Merry Christmas?

In other news, you would not believe the number of people I've had coming to my blog googling "Bondage Santa" or "Santa Bondage" in the past month and it's somewhat disturbing.

Obviously there's a segment of the community where Santa isn't safe to go down their chimneys for fear of being hog-tied, flogged and molested.

The world is a freaky, perverted place.

Where have I been?

Away.

Broke my leg the other Sunday falling down the Driveway of Death. Which was intelligent. But at least my neighbour was on hand to drive me to the hospital with my dangly foot, gritting my teeth the whole way. And discovered my neighbour's lovely dog had passed away a couple months ago.

That was the point at which I nearly cried.

Buddy was adorable!

Anyway, we got to the hospital and waited around in Emergency until I got carted away and put on a hospital bed. And then more waiting, thankfully with ice packs that helped to reduce the swelling just a little. I did feel a little sorry for myself until a little kid who'd fallen off a roof and was vomiting blood came in. So that was a bit of perspective.

The nurses and doctor were all lovely and lots of fun. All kinds of joking around trying to come up with reasons for the break that would sound more impressive than the truth.

Then X-rays, and finally merciful drugs. They had to sedate me so they could put the ankle back in place for plastering. Morphine is a magical thing. Woke up after it was done and the plastering had all happened. Then transfering to another hospital and more amusement and joking with the paramedics.

After all that, hospital for a few days.

Home last Wednesday. Hobbling since.

And got a cam walker put on today. Not that it's helping so far, but hopefully by next week I'll be able to put more pressure on it. Maybe more photos of impressive bruising to come.

Anyhoo.

Merry Christmas!

The Jet-Setting Weekend

Three states in three days... So tired.

Was in Adelaide for just over 24 hours. Quiet, peaceful Adelaide of the serial killers and Botanical Gardens rapist.

But the things that people make fun of Adelaide for aside, it's a great city. Beautiful wide streets. Trees. Only high-rise buildings are in the very heart of the city. The sluggish Torrens. Quiet shops. Saturday morning silence in the city.

Actually, quiet seems to sum up Adelaide. It's a bit country town where people are friendly and relaxed. And I keep running into people who I knew in high school. Yay! I kind of miss going places and randomly running into people I know.

Other things about Adelaide:

> The trees planted to spell JESUS LIVES on a hill on the way in to Adelaide. Never noticed that before.

> FruChocs. Foodland. Toyworld. Farmer's Union ice coffee. All that stuff that's just SA/Adelaide stuff.

> That smell in the parklands. It's like decaying foliage, but in a good way. Deeply earthy and warm and wonderful. I'd forgotten it completely until Saturday. The parklands are still pretty in spite of the drought as well, actually.

> WTF are they doing to the Adelaide Oval? Ugly!

> Peak hour traffic being like Melbourne's outter suburbs.

> The myriad of adult shops. It's like Queensland, but a little less obvious. And a bit more yellow.

> The beachfront. Mmm.

> Many Cocolat stores. Which makes up for no Starbucks and many Gloria Jeans. If we're having chain stuff, then make it nice.

> Beautiful old houses and buildings, especially those in North Adelaide. The churches are gorgeous as well - the one Kim and Steve were married in was adorable.

> That breeze. It's like the parklands smell thing - you forget completely until you're there. It's a lovely cooling breeze right off the sea.

> The bizarre Christmas display out the front of the brewery. And laughing outrageously at the fact that last year after Christmas, there was a flash flood that washed away the whale and three of the seven dwarves. And the whale apparently got chewed on by a shark. Heh.

> Friends. That's the best part, hands down.

So what else was there on the weekend? Flew to South Australia, shopping, conversing, dinner, wandering, laughing, staying up WAY too late, talking more, waking up kinda early to get ready for the wedding, going to the wedding, lunch after w/ Amy, then airport, fly to Sydney, cross Harbour Bridge, take hours to get to parent's place, rise early next morning for graduation, melt in NSW heat and humidity (within minutes of arriving in Sydney, my hair simply went *fwoink!* and refused to behave until I returned to Melbourne), be inordinately proud of my Dad graduating from his MA, lunch with family friends, relaxing briefly after, Dad's Army and much laughter, etc, etc, fly back to Melbourne.

Possibly some sleep in there somewhere. Also, country and western music on public transport really makes me feel really grumpy. Sydney didn't really endear itself to me with that whole humidity, country and western thing at all.

But seeing family made it all better.

Yay!

I can haz stalker, kthnxbai?

The weirdest thing happened today.

A couple hours before the end of the day, I got an email forwarded on to me that was part of a feedback comment thing with some work stuff. It's from some random guy and I have no idea who he is.

But apparently he remembers my red, pointy shoes.

It's slightly disturbing.

“Once upon a time, there lived a little boy called Nerdloaf. He lived with his grandparents on an alfalfa plantation, as many years ago, his parents had been killed in a tragic Nads hairwand removal accident. But he was happy in spite of the tragedy that had marred his first days on earth. Every morning, he would rise early to tend to the alfalfa, and as he did, he would dream of living a life where he did basically the same thing as he did then. One day, he hoped, he would become the best alfalfa-growing farmer in the valley. But little did he know, this was not to be...”

- Part of a story I've started writing for Clare about Nerdloaf. May just turn it into "The Adventures of Nerdloaf: The Alfalfa-loving Boy."

The best things about today

> The officemate flinging what was left in a cup of water out the window and almost splashing someone below. Nearly cried with laughter as he was lying on the floor saying, "I'm guilty! I'm guilty!" Now he's saying he won't be able to show his face around work any more.

> Copy editor: *singing softly*
Officemate: "Did she say, 'If I die before I wake, at least in heaven I'll be straight'?"
Me: "No, it's 'If I die before I wake, at least in heaven I can skate."
Officemate: "I like my lyrics more."

> Officemate's hairy mango comments. And his moaning while eating it.

> RBA cutting interest rates. Well, it'll be a good thing if the bank passes that on. I'll be happy if they do.

"Dracula!" "Dracula!" "Dracula!" "Scheduled?"

Late last night, I was tucked up in my comfy, warm bed reading Dracula after retiring for the evening.

It’s not scary, but I’d gotten to a rather poignant vampirey moment in the book when suddenly there’s the fluttering of wings against the bedroom window and there’s a very large moth bashing itself against it. Then something scuttles under the house. And seconds later, it starts to rain heavily.

Peculiar...

So I SMS’d a few people about it before falling asleep. And I woke up without teeth marks on my neck, in case anyone was wondering.

These are our stars

So much for an early night.

The ShakespeareRe-Told A Midsommer Night's Dream is on.

Need to get out The Collected Works of Shakespeare again and go through the plays, as it's been a long time.

The comment in the version about these being our stars reminds me of something once said to me a long time ago, too, while my head was tucked under his chin and our arms were wrapped around each other. Mostly bollocks, but it's a nice sentiment.

And now Dickens in America is on. The impression that comes across from Martin Chuzzlewit isn't all that favourable to America, particularly with all the spitting out of tobacco. On his second tour of the country, he saw changes that were for the better. By that, perhaps fewer people were showering the ground with tobacco spit.

Nyarrrgh, must sleep.

Pretend it were a dream. It works every time.

NGV

Hmmm... The Remaking Fashion exhibition at the NGV is strangely disappointing. But the Galliano gown was mostly worth it. Next time I go, I have to see the Gursky exhibition. As for Order and disorder: Archives and photography, it was laughably miniscule, but had its own highlights.

The rest of the gallery with its permanent displays was much more enjoyable. I particularly liked the ladder to heaven piece (it was vertiginously fun) in the modern art section. Oh, and the furniture. I may just have squeaked, "Eames!!!" when I saw the lounge chair and footstool. Drooled over excellent paintings and ceramic/porcelain items, coveted a mosaic, said "meh" about a fair few of the modern pieces (as well as a number of the older ones...) and had the overwhelming desire to crawl into a modern piece that was basically a big aluminium cube with blue plastic inside.

Also, seeing the portrait that's thought to be one of Lucrezia Borgia was great.

And in writing this, I've had a sudden memory from my early childhood. When I was much younger, we used to visit my Uncle who lived here in Melbourne and one thing that stood out in very early memories was the wall of water the gallery has at the entrance/exit. I'd kind of forgotten the memory of liking that and seeing it as being "Melbourne" as a child until now.

The NGV: extending my love of Melbourne.

And my Aunt's partner died today.

^ Took this today while out and about and I liked the way the reflections in this look kind of ghostly.

Other things that took my fancy today included the following overheard conversations:

Small child on peasant wagon, excitedly: Yay! We're going to Centrelink!

Bogan Corey Worthington type: I've got like 10 months of community service left, 'cos I had the option of that or jail. Although I woulda seen some mates who are in for like life. But I wouldn't want my butt raped.
Equally bogantastic stoned friend: Yeah...

Lackey one in Starbucks line: We got an email today that, as of next week, we have to wear our Christmas t-shirts. The only thing I want to do is take a sh!t on a pile of Christmas t-shirts.
Lackey two: *laughs* Should film that, put it on YouTube.
Lackey one: Mate, don't tempt me.

The rest of the day was equally interesting. Melbourne seems to like raining on me whenever I go on random adventures. But it was so nice to smell the fresh rain on warm earth when I got out of the car in the afternoon. Open road, grey skies, reflective silence. Perfect.

Plus it also involved nattering away about cricket with a random shop guy for ages, which was oddly enjoyable. And reminded me I'd forgotten to check up on scores all afternoon. Oops.

I *heart* Melbourne.

Et le film Embrassez qui vous voudrez se jouera ce soir. Très bien :) (Excusez-moi pendant que je massacre la langue française.)

^ Sunset from a few months ago out in the countryside.

^ My first ripe raspberry!

I'm in love with them. Bought the plant earlier this year - May or so - and it's been growing merrily since then. Although I need to get a new pot for it. I get inordinately excited by the prospect of raspberries and literally ran outside the other day to pick this one when I remembered it was ripe.

It was luscious.

There have been two more ripe ones since then and I ate them this morning before leaving for work. There couldn't be a better way to start the day. I even did a little dance.

More of them are ripening, so I should get a net or something to cover it so the birds don't take it to be their personal feasting plant like they do with anything else that has edible fruits around the place. I let them eat all of the loquats and have a go at the plums, apricots and blackberries. But if they touch the raspberry, I'ma punch them in the beak.

Moskau!

This is the funniest thing I've seen today.

*happy sigh*

Billy is a handyman!

Also, this is all kinds of awesome. If you've ever wanted to translate Taming of the Shrew into German while driving, there's probably a couple handy hints.

Weekend things

^ Some of the things from the weekend.

This weekend past was insanely busy and put an end to my plans to update my blog with something sensible any time soon. Was out and about on Friday being all adult about house stuff, investments, superanuation, etc and felt rather surprised by it all. Not that anything's going to change, but it was interesting to see what options are out there.

Had a surprisingly not-awful coffee at a greasy spoon on Friday and possibly the worst coffee ever from Gloria Jeans on Sunday. I don't know why I even bothered, but it was obviously a moment of insanity. It taste burnt and I wished they'd bring back Starbucks if there's going to be chain coffee stores. At least their stuff didn't taste like death removed from the soles of shoes.

Also found stick-on nails with the skulls on them.

Tacky, ridiculous and skull-y. I had to buy them, obviously. They amuse me and I'll probably never end up using them. Unless I start on random acts of piracy.

^ A rose by any other angle would not look so sweet...

Frog to Prince

Verdict: Frog princes in fairy tales are overrated. And kind of creepy.

This frog prince was much more amusing.

Things that have interested me so far today:

> 100 hand-painted chairs

> A Telegraph article about wandering apostrophes.

> Turning Tiger all Warhol.

> Reading articles I've written that are edited by others to see what's there, what's not and what words they put into my mouth. Kind of amusing really.

> Looking at the thermometre on the windowsill this morning and turning the aircon up higher when the thermometre says it's 42 in the sun. Delightful.

^ Random photo from Schmitchy's birthday party the other weekend. Found it on the camera when loading the images to my computer, didn't remember taking it at all and yet somehow it amuses me. There's also a great photo of BB somewhere I've got to edit up and send to him. Might post it at some point.

Update: Got permission from BB to post the photo :) I now call him Saint BB.

^ Remembrance.

I saw his round mouth's crimson deepen as it fell,
Like a Sun, in his last deep hour;
Watched the magnificent recession of farewell,
Clouding, half gleam, half glower,
And a last splendour burn the heavens of his cheek.
And in his eyes
The cold stars lighting, very old and bleak,
In different skies.
[I saw his round mouth's crimson] - Wilfred Owen.

^ Leaves found on the way to work.

Bondage Santa

Oh-so-disturbing Santa figurine in a shop window that I saw while out with friends on Saturday. Much wrongness. Therefore I had to blog about it.

Really didn't know that Santa was all Rocky Horror. Or so buff and elderly. Or that he was into red suspender stockings and carried cuffs around in his sack. Better watch out indeed.

After possibly the most insane day at work ever,* the solution was to come home and put on Volkerball at a volume loud enough to be a noise pollution issue in Croatia.

Now feeling very tired and rather depressed that music doesn't always make everything better, as it almost always has in the past. Ah well, c'est la vie. Maybe this will inspire me to finish doing the house repainting, get on with organising the yard work and so on. Actually, no, it will inspire me. It must be done.

Ugh.

*And who knows what's happening with all of that. Do excuse me while I curl up into a ball and rock back and forth.

^ More blood orange.

Can't be bothered writing anything at the moment, really. Not overly inspired - all my writing is saved for work. May get some time over the long weekend to put some thoughts to blog entries, because it's been too long since I wrote anything really serious/sensible.*

Mmm... Long weekend.

* *wonders if blog is really worth serious/sensible-ing about* *gets distracted looking at photos and considers doing a whole lot of paintings on the weekend instead*

Ice-cream almost makes up for walking too much...

^ Went out walking this afternoon to find this spot on a walking trail that took my fancy. The conditions weren't as good as I'd hoped for with the light and so on, but it was pretty enough. Unfortunately, between the past weekend and this weekend, most of the flowers had died off.

By the time I got to the spot, the summery sandals I was wearing had given me a blister on my foot. Took a whole lot of photos and then wandered back on little goat track-style paths, turning the blister into one of immense impressiveness.

Really liked the little English-looking dell, though. Might be interesting to see how it looks in Autumn.

Not that keen on hobbling home, though.

^ Spider I found today.

Cake in faith

^ Tiny cafes. One of the best things about Melbourne.

*sigh*

It made up for getting up at 6.30am on my weekend and more than an hour of CCM in the car. Nearly put a pillow over my head, but it was too hot. Where has this ridiculous summer-style weather come from? I hate it.

But it was one of the least bizarre things about the day. I met someone I'd previously met once when I was about eight or nine or so today. She recognised me and we started nattering away. Apparently doesn't live far away. About this time, I start thinking, It's a small world after all.

Even more so when I met someone else who's a friend of a friend who is a friend of a friend. One of those, "Oh my gosh! No way!" moments.

Not bad for a city with a population around 3.8 million people.

Also, picnics in the park are great. Especially when there's uber-chocolate cake involved and people are astounded by its size, frosting, etc. It's surprising how excited people can be about cake.

^ Christmas lights. I can't resist the dratted things.

Where is my mind

Apart from the fact that I can't hear the words "Make poverty history" now without thinking of Frank from Shameless slurring, "Cheaper drugs now!" after it, Shameless never ceases to entertain me.

Although I'm not a fan of bogans/chavs, there's something about the show that makes it somehow worthwhile, interesting and challenging. Even if I want to beat Frank over the head with a tuna most of the time. He's so annoying.

"Did someone say 'tuna'?"

Sure, Shameless trips along through melodrama and ridiculousness for a lot of each episode, but then there's almost always something that lifts it out of that, makes it human and relevant, shows the struggles people have and doesn't brush their problems off for a sugar-sweet ending.

Last night's episode featured Monica's mum turning up randomly. She's got Alzheimer's disease and wants to make things right before she plans to suicide with the aid of a handbag full of sleeping pills.

My family doesn't have the dysfunctional freakshow stylings of the Gallaghers. In fact, we're oddly above average in the happiness stakes. But my Nanna had Alzheimer's/dementia toward the end of her life and the ep reminded me of that. It only really kicked in when we moved to New South Wales. Perhaps it was there prior to that, but being in familiar surroundings and with Pappa to cover issues, it didn't show up.

So somehow, I got a bit teary when watching Shameless.

I'd visit my Nan a few times each week when I was at uni - her nursing home wasn't that far away from uni, so I'd drop by. It was a soul-destroying place, even though it was one of the nicest in the area apparently. But she had to be in a place where constant care was available due to hip fractures, vertebrae fractures and that dementia thing.

Sometimes she'd be perfectly fine, other times she'd talk about wanting to die. On bad days, she'd be convinced there were people coming to take her away and burn her or gas her or something - it almost seemed like German guilt, even though the family's been in Australia since 1800-whatever. Or someone was trying to poison her, or was spying on her. Or she'd walked the entire way back to our farm in South Australia overnight and seen people she knew in her childhood.

The bemused dementia moments were better than the terrified ones. My family was upset by them, as I was. But I could always find ways to distract Nan and steer conversation to more cheerful topics. Thankfully, she never forgot who any of us were. I think that would be the hardest thing with dementia/Alzheimer's.

When the weather was good, I'd commandeer a wheelchair and take her out for long walks. We'd look at the trees and flowers and she'd reminisce about the farm and who she knew who grew plants like that. She was always a passionate gardener and having her outside in nature just seemed to make things better.

I regret not spending more time with her.

I got teary when Joan suicided on Shameless. My Nan passed away of just pure old age, even though she'd said stuff about wishing she was dead. I don't think, even if the option were there, that she would have done anything like that. She clung to life even though she'd broken her hip three different times and wasn't expected to survive long after each time.

She was a battler, a survivor.

And look at that. I meant to just write a bit about how good Shameless was last night and ended up rambling. Would just delete it, but it's taken a while to write and it would seem a shame...

Random office moments

Copy editor, singing: Hey now, hey now, don't dream it's over... *stops singing* CRAP!
Me: What, it is?
Officemate: That's gold!

Qu'ils mangent de les petit gâteaux

If you'll pardon my French...



Mmm... Cupcakes at work make everyone happy.

I made them to inspire cheery cupcakey glee into my department at work. And I think it worked. Especially with the fairy sprinkle decorations. Okay, they look better without them, but it's a bright touch of sugary sprinkled goodness, so it can't hurt. Too much. Got to love the lashings of frosting, too.

*happy sigh*

I just caught my... foot in the fridge...

^ Random drawing while making a shopping list.

Got somewhat distracted while making the list and ended up thinking about various things that have been going on.

One of my oldest friends is in hospital and might have MS. She's just a few years older than me, married a few years, have a little kid. Argh. Will find out more this week when the test results come back. But apparently things aren't looking good.

Was also thinking about someone I saw recently. Knew him when younger and he's got one of those voices that just makes me think of Black Books with Fran saying, "He's got this voice and it just does things to me." I'd meant to avoid him like he's avoided me in the past but somehow ended up in conversation.

Then I remembered I had to make cupcakes to take to work.

^ I bought a random blanket at a store's closing down sale thing. I'm not entirely sure why, but it looked blue and sparkly and reminded me of a jacket I have somewhere with elephants embroidered on it. But it's a pointless purchase.

Just like staying up watching Grease is completely pointless. Should so be sleeping instead. But it's such a great trashy movie. And John Travolta was a fantastic dancer. Mreowr.