From infancy on, we are all spies...

I love public transport for what can be overheard.

The following are a recent selection of choice overheard moments, all of which had me laughing on the inside and furiously scribbling them down in a notebook to bring to you on my blog, dear reader.

Random farm-type guy on the train to two mates: I dreamed my arms were amputated there *gestures to upper arms* and they put crab claws on. I was really worried when I woke up that they'd fall off.

Minigoth: A monkey attacked me! Although it wasn't an actual monkey. It was a cat.

Minifauxgoth in terrible hat: I'm the crazy trolley lady!!!

Charles Hawtry-camp teen guy: I'm not gay! Although I have been known to turn. And like men exclusively.

First teen guy: Do you know of Harry Potter?
Second teen guy: Yes.
First teen guy: What do you think of him? Did you see the movie?
Second teen guy: You realise we're surrounded by people who like him, don't you? So how do I put this nicely? Harry Potter is a b@stard. Everyone else does the work for him and he gets all the credit! B@stard!

Teen guy: I love Americans! They're an endless source of parody!

Teen girl: I got kicked out of Big W today for sucking the helium out of the balloons.

Teen girl about music on bus: What the f**k is this? Jazz!??!
Teen guy, angrily: It's not jazz, you tart! It's Queen!
Teen girl: Oh. So it is.

Teen girl in bad hat, excitedly: I found a cake on the side of the road once!

There's another thing I overheard, which is really, really tempting to post, but I don't think I can. Still, it was definitely a day full to the brim of amusingly bizarre things to hear.

Also: people. They are freaks.

But that's not always a bad thing.