I don't belong here...

This is quite possibly going to be the most bizarre blog entry (for me), but perhaps it's just because it's 11.30 at night and I'm listening to Radiohead. And I have no words for it but there's something that I can't quite work out how I need to say it that I have to get out.

How much more simple would it be to just reach in and rip out that offending feeling, slam it down on the page and disect it with cool strokes of a scalpel? That bit makes no sense, that part is obviously hurting, let's just cut that section off over there...

Girl meets boy, girl thinks boy is better than chocolate, Pink Lady apples and 150 free SMS's with every mobile balance recharge. Finally girl plucks up the courage and manages to tell boy she thinks he's the most awesome thing in ages that's come into her life. He says the same of her.

And then it's really nice. You're floating on clouds, you know?

And then you find out or are told that he's doing the underpants charleston with other people. Or wants to. And it's like...

...totally blindsided...

Ouch. Because somehow you were under the misguided assumption that when you fell for someone and they'd apparently fallen for you, it kinda meant that they weren't squeezing other melons on the market to test for ripeness or something.

Most pathetically, it hurts. Disgustingly so.

Which is all there is to it. Other than cutting the ties, distancing yourself, feeling tears prick the back of your eyes and not wanting to let them out because it'd admit too much like for this guy.

Oh, and then to admit your own stupidity, selfishness and shallowness when it comes to screwing up something that would have been even more amazing just to persue something that was as lobotomised as what you chose was. Especially when you realise that the even more amazing thing was what you wanted all along but got spooked over silly issues.

*shrugs* Told you it would be an odd post for me.