Friday, October 13, 2006

Ze lurve advice num-nums viz ze Fake French Lurve Doctor

Hello darrrlinks, it ees so long since I vas making ze lurve advice zat I thoorrrt it vas time to do anozzer, no? Vell, zis time ve haf ze qvestion of how to deal viz a person who does just nert seem to understand zat you, in your (modest) gloriousness, are not enterested en zem.

Firstly, you can try ze polite h'approach. Zis involves kindly tellink zem you are not enterested. "A'I am zorry, but you are not my type" can be vun way ov dealing viz zis problem. Or avoidink zem, but zis is a no-no, as zey vill zink you are just beink a naughty leettle minx and tryink to play hard to get. Be honest! Tell zem in a nice vay zat no, zey must find somevun more for zem!

Sometimes zis vill verk. Ozzers, no. Zey do not understand! Zey are jerks or zink you secretly find zem irresistable and vish to allow zem to make vild, passionate luuurve to you. ZIS IS NOT ZE CASE! Be more strongk in tellink zem of your dislike; zis is NOT ze time for politeness. Illustrate zis vis Pepe Le Peu cartoons, pointink out zat zey are ze skunky-veasle-striped-vileness to your screamink-to-h'escape-cat. Tell zem if zey h'ever come onto you again, you vill be forced to test out your ju jitz tzu skills on zem.

H'Of course, zere vill still be zose who zink you are joking like a cute leettle chatte and continue to push ze boundaries. Zis is vhere you unleash your inner French president on zem and threaten their attol vis ze nuclear option, no? No! Zat is extreme, no? But how do you tell zem to never zink of touchink or talkink to you inappropriately again? Knee zem zomevhere it vill hurt. Scream at zem, perhaps. Or avoid zem eternally. Hang up on zeir calls. Tell zem about your large muscular boyfriend ('oo may or may not exist, no?). Tell zeir fiancee.

Zes relationship lurve problems are ze tricky things, no? Oh, ze fake French lurve doctor does not encourage ze violence - ze extreme measures mentioned above vere not zat serious. But if zomevun continues to persue you in an unvanted way, it is unacceptable and you should not 'ave to tolerate zis. Avoid zem. And find a large muscular boyfriend.


kris said...

ROFLOL! i remember that radio show you did with becky about "try before you buy"...this post reminds me of that.

Della said...

*LMFAO* Oh my goodness, yes! That was soooooooooooooo much fun!

Should have recorded that off or at least kept a transcript. Ah, happy memories (and me here almost crying with laughter in my office - thankfully the officemate's away!).