Renovation Resuce... Please?!?!

Okay, so I HATE the colours the walls are at home with a passion by now. It wasn't so bad for the first year, but now I'm into the second year, those damn colours and horrible suede effects have to go. I have voted them off of the island. Although it is said that it's a bold move to paint a room in a very strong colour, I have to say it is an insaaaaaaaaaaaaaaane move. Looks like shite, makes it hard to paint over.

I want to do the place in Dulux Clotted Cream.

So today I went to the hardware shop to find out more about repainting. Thank God I'd talked to a guy I know who used to do interior paint stuff and he gave me loads of tips before I went to the store or else I would have been so stuffed.

The local hardware store is a total balls-out place. It's like you should swagger in there in stubbie shorts and Blundstones, growling out, "Gudday mate, just here to pick up me gigantic big blokey tool set and prepare to drill some holes in things before goin' down the pub in my ute with 17 aerials," and knowing everything there is to be known about ANYTHING that's in the store. The sales assistants are just there to look manly. They know you need no help...

Here comes me, knowing closer to sweet FA about what I'm meant to be doing than I probably should. Ask for help at the counter, figuring that I probably should have shown more cleavage so as to appear more helpless. Guy wanders up to the paint section with me. I ask him questions. He gives me a look that looks like a combination between gormlessness and wondering why I don't know it all already.

Following conversation ensues (me in italics):
"I have suede-effect painted walls. I want to paint over them all."
"Okay. So you want to paint all of the walls?"
"Yes... *thinking, I just told you that sunshine* All of them."
"Okay."
"Soooo... will I need to do an undercoat?"
"Umm..."
"The colours of the paints are quite dark already, so I think I will need to undercoat it all."
"Yeah, you probably would then."
"I'll need to sand it back, too, won't I?"
"I guess?"
"*thinking, You guess?!* Yeah, I'd say I would. Don't you have to do that to smooth the surface before applying coats of new paint anyways?"
"Yeah, you do. So you'll need to sand it, yeah."

Finally he shows me to the undercoat section, with me feeling like I know more about painting than he does even though I've never done it properly before in my entire life. Buy some undercoat (because I really don't want to think about paint until I manage to screw up the spare room with the undercoat, y'know) and misc painting stuff. Exit thinking, "I think my home renovations will be married to Bunnings from here on out!"