Things not to say in the office (part one)

One of my friends at work was just in my office, talking about being still single and I'm like, "We could get you a Russian mail-order husband!" Naturally, she's like, "Hmmm..." I said, "Just imagine it, it'd be like, 'Hello my name is Vladimir, I speak no inglis, but I drink vodka. We make the sex now?'"

She cracks up laughing, others stare at us in a bemused fashion. But it was amusing, all things considered, in a Borat kind of way (plus I'm good at my Eastern European accent thing).

Russian slang for the day:
Амбал (noun, m.) [Ambal]
Big, strong and usually not-too-bright guy, often a bit intimidating. It was initially the Ossetian word for “Hero, warrior.”

"I'll never forget the first time I got the keys to the family couch" - Arj Barker

Watching the finale of The Glasshouse.

I shall miss it and I hope that the ABC comes up with another enjoyable, hilarious, satyrical show to replace it. If I don't get my fix of humorous political bashing every week, I'll have to cry. Where else would you find out that John Howard has the nickname of Bonsai?

But really, we do need some humour about politics. Because it is rather depressing otherwise, all things considered.

*bwahahaha* Arj Barker: "I lost my virginity on a couch. Then I found it a couple of years later. It had fallen down the back..."

I *heart* Arj Barker.

I found it interesting to read this morning about another exiled Russian having traces of the radioactive isotope Polonium-210 (210-Po) found in his office in London, which was the same element that killed Alexander Litvinenko (Radioactive traces found in office of another Putin critic by Sandra Laville and Tania Branigan).

*dons lab coat and chunky glasses*

There are 34 isotopes to Polonium, which is more than any other element - perhaps you could say it's showing off or something... The 210-Po isotope is highly radioactive and toxic (more poisonous than cyanide), and is classed as an "alpha emitter" - it gives off alpha radiation. This means it has to be ingested, inhaled or absorbed to do damage, but then you only need 0.12 of a microgram when ingested for it to be lethal (and even less if inhaled), plus it sticks around in the human system for up to 50 days. If you have enough curies of it together, it'll give off a blue glow (making an attractive and interesting centrepiece for your next romantic dinner...).

Earlier this year I watched a documentary about Lab X in Russia, which focused on the ways in which poisons produced there had been used in the assassinations or attempted assassinations of politicians, journalists, business people, spies and dissenters in the former USSR, such as the ricin poisoning in 1978 of Bulgarian dissident Georgi Markov, and also more recently with events like the attempted poisoning of Viktor Yuschenko prior to the 2004 Ukrainian elections.

In the documentary, brief mention was made of a journalist or political opponent who died of poisoning following exposure to radioactive materials. But where would this guy have been exposed to the radiation was the puzzle. It was found that he'd been mailed things in which the KGB had put radioactive dust. Opening the envelopes saw the dust fall out and settle around his office, he and some other people who worked in the building inhaled it...

Similarities? Hmmm.

There are no holidays in the fight against evil

In homage to Get Smart, I have named my claw hammer "The Craw!"

Maxwell Smart: "Well, well, if it isn't my old friend the Craw."
The Claw: "Not the Craw, the Craw!"

Why do I have a hammer? Well, apart from all of the day-to-day things that hammers are useful for, the desk chair keeps playing up and I have to bash a bolt thing back in every few days or so (it's missing a nut...).

The instructions on The Craw! are fantastic, too. It has a picture of what looks like a demented jellybean accompanied by the words: Warning - protect your eyes - wear safety goggles. This tool is intended only for driving and pulling common and finish nails. The face may chip if struck against any striking tool. Hardened nail chisel or any hard object possibly resulting in bodily injury.

While I'm thinking of Get Smart, here's something that made me think of the AWB kerfuffle:

Senator: Mr. Smart, how many arrests did Control make last year?
Maxwell Smart: I don't know.
Senator: Who's the number one man in your organization?
Maxwell Smart: I don't know.
Senator: How many cases were assigned to Control last year?
Maxwell Smart: I don't know.
Senator: What would you do if you were fired, Mr. Smart?
Maxwell Smart: They can't fire me. I know too much.

You too can be an impressive mastermind!

This morning, thanks to the Sydney Morning Herald, I discovered the CIA personality quiz, according to which I am "a Impressive Mastermind (or maybe just a little bit worried that they haven't made it "an Impressive Mastermind"). It was good for a giggle.

But I'm not sure whether it's a good thing or not. Typically the word "mastermind" is used in conjunction with words such as "criminal." And the website also doesn't specify whether or not two of my favourite objects - shoes and phones - would be combined ;)

Random rambling musings on nothing much

On the weekend I attempted to get my copy of Volkerball, but it hadn't been delivered so I get to return to the shops next weekend (oh, consumerism, how thou dost tempt me!). As I was down there anyways, I figured I'd have a look around to see if a good Christmas present could be found for my Dad.

There's the BBC Charles Dickens collection for all of $200. Having just paid home and contents insurance, that was a mild "Eek, no, maybe think about it" moment. The Mozart 100 was $90. Also another think about it moment. So I'm still thinking about it, knowing that he'd really enjoy either of them and I'm leaning towards the Dickens collection, as I know how much he enjoys Dickens.

In the meantime, I found myself a copy of Alain de Botton's Essays on Love, which I purchased and am somewhat disappointed with in some respects (perhaps I wish that there were more philosophical angles). But it's a good book, as are all of his other books. Speaking of books, I must stop adding to my ever-increasing library of more than 700.

Also browsed through the recipe section of the ABC and then stumbled upon the diet books. There was the one about how French ladies don't get fat (au contraire, may we say, but perhaps they just mean the ones from Paris). Although it's been around for ages, I haven't looked at it yet, and took the chance to do so. Makes sense, really. But then really what doesn't make sense about eating sensibly and getting enough exercise? Somehow the whole French thing reminded me of a book of French cookery I found in Borders back in SA, which was an orgastic festival of meat, fat, more meat, more fat and a whooooooooooole lot of creamy things.

Then today I found this: http://www.handbag.com/healthfit/diet/rawfood/.

I never understand why people get so excited over raw diet things. It's like they're suspiciously joyous, trying too hard to sound like they're having a faaaaaaaaantastic time with the mung beans while all they want is some chocolate.

Although raw foods are great, I don't think I could do it for more than a week as a detox. Plus I like hot food, especially in Winter. I cannot imagine coming home of a cold, dark evening with wintery blasts coming directly off the Antarctic at a temperature that would make a penguin grimace and partaking in a salad.

The lipgloss tragedy!

Anyone who knows me will possibly know I'm a slave to lipgloss. Well... Really more like an addict. I find it hard not to buy lipgloss. I think I own at least 50 different types, all in various places around the house, with five here on my desk at work. Open any handbag and there'll be a lipgloss lurking in there.

So it was tragic this morning when I was hunting around in my bag to find that one of my lipglosses had uncapped itself and squeezed out over things in the bag over the weekend. Ugh. It would have to have been one of the sticky ones, too.

You Are Chocolate Caramel Kiss Lip Gloss

Saying that you're one of a kind is ... well ... an understatement. You're unusual, quirky, wacky - and you love to challenge people. And you are a total trendsetter. Your friends are quick to copy your fashion and music tastes. Which is why chocolate caramel is your perfect flavor. It's as rare and outrageous as you are.

What Flavor Lip Gloss Are You?

Walking down the street today was bizarre.

I had three car loads of random guys honk their car horns and wave vigorously at me while on the way to vote, then two more on the way back from it. Other guys driving past stared, too, including two driving a ute who pointed.

Maybe they were just excited about it being election time or something.

And then in the supermarket, a guy almost ran his trolley into the shelves because he spent the time walking down the aisle staring at my chest.

Okay, so I had a bit of cleavage happening today, but I seriously didn't think it had such amazing power! But I felt cute *tosses hair and does a ditzy smile* Either that or I had something truly horrendous goin' on like a psychotic monkey on my head and they were honking their horns and waving to alert me to it.

Pretty sure it wasn't that, seeing as there weren't any monkeys on my head at all today. Nor have there been in the past or future or present.

"Mr Hell, do you even know what an election is?" "Why yes..."

Election tomorrow here in the glorious Bushfire State, Victoria (I think they should change it to that on numberplates).

How to vote, eh! Wait, that's a Queensland expression there and I've only been to Queensland a couple of times in my life, the last being when I was 12. So moving right along... Currently the political advertising that I do have is on the floor in the toilet, which may or may not be construed as being indicative of what I think of the current state of things in the State.

> Family First? No. They use the words "family values" too much, and "family values" is rarely an inclusive term. Although I haven't received any political advertising from the party, so that could be a point in their favour (ie, they won't be last).

> Independent? Dunno. Probably won't put them last, but have no idea who they are, what they're standing for or anything like that. They might want to bring back semi-automatic weaponry for all or something.

> Which brings me to The Nationals? HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL no. I was reading the mail-out from the local candidate this morning and The National's "suggested method for voting" or whatever you'd call it with how they think you should number your votes on your paper. Their only mentioned policies seem to be bashing the Greens (verbally, not physically) because the Greens think hunting animals isn't a nice thing while The Nationals do. They'll be last on my vote thingy due to that (aka: they can go get bent).

> The Greens? I've received a couple of pieces of advertising from them. Nothing astounding. The local candidate has a beard. And is male, in case you were wondering. But meh... Although I like Bob Brown, so maybe they'll get a second or third placing.

> The Liberals? Actually, the local candidate has ticked me off because I've receieved about three billion pieces of advertising from him within the past couple of weeks, all saying THE SAME STUFF IN DIFFERENT WAYS AND I DON'T CAAAAAAAAAAAARE! I can read. Hmph. I'd rather he spent money on doing things than posting out crap to me. Especially when it all says the same thing. But I've warmed to Ted Baillieu surprisingly. So I'm not sure.

> Labour? Probably will go that way. I like what the local candidate has done for the local area, and continues to do. Plus I don't mind Steve Bracks. Although he's not as fun as Mr Baillieu.

Das Experiment

Lately I've been on a German kick, so I'm watching Das Experiment at the moment, which is based on the Stanford Prison Experiment.

Although it's just in the early stages, you do get the feeling that there's going to be death involved, possibly the nice kiosk owner who believes it's important to have a dream in life.

It's amazing how inhuman people can become in a short time given power over others to use and abuse; when someone not drinking their milk provokes rage in another.

So is it that people are pushed into a position of "evil"? Or is it that the "evil" elements are always there and it's just that being in our every-day social situations where we're constrained by others and social mores that keep the "evil" elements in check?

I mean, look at Abu Grahib, the abuses there against prisoners by those who were meant to guard them... I tend to think that people are naturally screwed up. The bad always gets carried away, leads on and abuses others, while those who want to do the right thing struggle to put the reigns on it.

Humanity rarely seems to win out over the group psychology. Is the human condition really conflict? Why are there some people who are just natural creeps who'll abuse others and hardly anyone will have the balls to stand up to them because it's all just too hard to go against the flow and make a difference?

*sigh*

It's such a horrible movie. But it's an important one, too. It's one where you feel the knot of horror in your stomach and throat knowing that unlike some movie where there's a monsterous creature, the only monsters in reality are humans; that these things happen; that there's Guantanamo and Abu Grahib and a multitude of prisons where inmates are abused.

Of course there are a lot of wonderful people in the world. But do you ask yourself what would happen if you were given the sort of power that could lead to such abuses? Would you treat those you have power over with respect and dignity? Would you be able to trust yourself?

And yes, it was the kind kiosk owner who was murdered.

Oh Christmas tree, oh Christmas tree!

Set up the Christmas tree last night, pulled all of the decorations off of it tonight and re-did them. Plus I found some of the remaining chocolate decorations from last year that neither Derek nor I nor any of the people we'd shared them with had devoured.

Not eating them, tho. Even if I fall into a desperate need of chocolate. Scaly white formerly milk chocolate is not at all a good thing. I'd go so far as to say it's REALLY bad.

By your powers combined, I am Captain Planet!

Instead of wind, we had...

FIRE!

*imagine that said in the voice of the character who had the power of fire in Captain Planet, whose name I think was Wheeler and he had that thing with the girl called Linka who did the whole wind thing where they argued but secretly/not-so-secretly liked each other and shouted at each other occasionally while everyone else stood around thinking "Oh yeah, they'll be snogging soon. And that'll be awkward..."* *

Although we also did have wind. And the most miniscule amount of water. Probably some earth, not entirely sure about heart.

It got really windy so I went out to get the clothes off the line and as I was rushing about doing so, I noticed a glow coming from the direction of the mountain behind my house. A kind of flickering glow. And then the sounds of the fire sirens.

Oh rapture.

*sigh* So fortunately the CFA people got that under control quickly, but it was still somewhat scary with the crazy weather we've had lately. And I've decided that ice-blocks don't balance out being crawled on by a spider or getting frightened by unexpected bushfires.

*caresses insurance renewal forms* My precious...

Now I've got the Captain Planet song stuck in my head! Eek!

*Correction duly noted! ;) Thanks Kaisa!

I don't think we're in Kansas now

I shall call it Electrocute.

We're starting to get bad weather. The sort of bad where one of my friends lives a little further down the line has described it as being "pretty f**king bad" weather. As he's generally the master of understatement, the weather that's coming must be of the variety of which he speaks. Or equivalent to what will see us impersonating The Wizard of Oz.

Trees down across roads, etc. Something to look forward to. And now the wind has started to roar with a vengance and at 10.13pm with the thump of a large branch falling somewhere around here, I think I want to go hide in bed. Not that it's safer there than in the lounge, but it's bed. And bed is good.

The soft spidery caress

While sitting at my desk this morning, I noticed something that felt almost like fingertips being trailed up my calf from my ankle. An unusual sensation for the work setting... I pushed back my chair, stuck out my leg and what should be on it causing that deliciously feathery sensation but a large, black spider?

*shudder*

With heart pounding (because this wasn't one of the not-so-poisonous spiders), I flicked it off, hoped it wouldn't take an opportunity to bite, kicked my shoe off and squished it to death with said shoe.

This week just keeps getting better and better *insert appropriate eye-rolling moment* But it could have been worse. It could have decided I was a tasty snack object instead of something to simply use as a climbing frame to drape web over.

Ugh.

And oddly enough, my first instinct was to reach for my camera and take a photo of it. But sense took over and I went down the path of relegating it from an is to a was before lunch.

Interesting site on spiders in Victoria. Interesting in that I'm so glad I don't see these daily kind of way.

Eyes in the back of my head? Hmm...

My blonde streak has dominated my weekend.

Had blonde moments at the train station on Friday, realised I'd totally forgotten to apply for a postal vote, have to find out where I get to do the voting thing now for the weekend, etc.

And then to top it off, I mowed a hole in a down pipe at home.

Yes. Mowed. Down pipe. Hole therein.

Stupid whipper snipper having stronger snippery things than I'd suspected. Stupid me for not being careful while whipper-snipping.

My life could occasionally just be a Funniest Home Videos, minus the male groin injuries :-p

When will I be famous?

This afternoon while out shopping, the sales assistant at the Body Shop gave me a long hard looking at and then said, "I'm sure I know you. Are you on TV? Perhaps from Neighbours or something?"

I got kind of embarrassed and blushed (and I think I only blush about twice a year, oh joy for it being in a shopping centre) and denied being a tv person, but she still thought I looked familiar. It was a little odd... But kind of fun. Drewsy and I have been joking about what I should do with the fame. Maybe adopt a few orphans ;)

And now I have luscious Body Shop mango shower gel and soaps that smell good enough to at least lick (perhaps not eat, though). And I'm wondering whether it's a good thing or not to be thought of as someone potentially TV-worthy, but in a Neighbours kind of way? o.0

Saw The Wrong Man again too... Damn, it's so good! And Bruce Willis is so eye-candy-worthy (plus Josh Hartnett, of course).

The Christian Cringe?

I saw God Squad people on Saturday night in Melbourne. It was kind of a bizarre thing (but then again, it was a bizarre weekend, so why should I be surprised?). There they were on a corner with leaflets, a mic, a speaker and a guy talking too loudly about "turning away from your sins and coming back to God."

Instantly my mind flipped up the answer of, "But I like my sins!" and I had a giggle as I called Clare and left a message on her voicemail about it. (Aside) Does that make me a bad Christian? Probably. Never been particularly good at "being" a Christian anyways - not that I don't think God is fantastic, I just find myself laughing at inappropriate things, disliking CCM, occasionally swearing (amongst other things) and not wanting to bash other people over the head with my beliefs.

Perhaps it's a Christian Cringe thing, but the machine-gun approach to spreading religion (fire indiscriminately, kill off almost everyone who might have ever been interested had they not been involved in the random verbal Christianised, sanctified, purified, hands-up hallelujah drive-by) bothers me.

Maybe it works for some. Generally it leads to the majority of people when they ask you if you're a Christian and you say yes, giving you a look like they're expecting you to come out with an earbashing especially for them. Suddenly you're "one of them" and you think, "Hold up a minute, one of what?"

My Christian belief is pretty liberal. Conservatism doesn't fit me, I don't fit it, and from reading the Bible I often feel like it doesn't fit God, either. No, I don't want to create God in my own image, I just don't think He's as into the smiting as some imagine.

We were all created to be different and of course that means that there will be different styles of Christianity that appeal to different kinds of people (if they choose Christianity as their belief system). Does there have to be a one-size-fits-all rule? What do you do about the Christian Cringe? And should Roger Moore have stuck to being a cardigan model?

Okay, being flippant with the last bit there, but really... What are the answers to that? Are there even any answers to it?

*le gasp* somewhat straight!

Somewhat straightened hair, and me looking somewhat demented - personally I blame the hair...

Thinking of doing another series of pix (a la the Hitchcock-inspired ones from the other week), but I'm not entirely sure what to do. Although the weekend will apparently be fine, so there'll be no excuse to stay inside, be creative, do crazy things, not sleep.

Instead it'll be a time to do raking and mowing. Mmm... exciting. And attempting to repair the front gutter, which has decided to have issues once more (and I'm not gonna poke it with a stick or shout at it). Nothing like yard work. It'll make the place look much more presentable at least, which is a consolation for hours of work and not being all that good at using things like the whipper snipper (which still makes me laugh).

Why must it be so cold? It must be nuclear winter or something. It's hailing right now and I'm hiding under three blankets with the heater on (the wood's all wet so I can't light the fire). Brrr!!!

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Congratulations Kristin on your Aussie Visa!!!

*happy dance*

I have to get blood tests done.

The thing is, I don't WANT to get them done. Because getting them done would mean finding out results and they're the sort of results I don't particularly feel in the mood to deal with.

No, it's not like AIDS, and I know I'm being silly and shallow by worrying about coeliac disease, Lupus and Sjorgren's Syndrome (oh wait, I'm not - they'll all be things that contribute to an early death, rapturous fun that is). I just don't want to find out I've got these kind of things.

For a start, I love pasta with a passion. And great sourdough breads. Coeliac disease would mean no more of this. Eat wheat and gluten free pasta and breads, I hear you say? Grate your tastebuds over some concrete, I say. Would you voluntarily eat them? They're revolting!

Then there's the increased potential for early death thing. And the not being able to lose weight, although it goes on just fine. And my God, this blog entry is turning into a pity party *throws around some streamers* Plus all of the changes that would have to be made to life and being so aware of what I eat, combined with the fact that it takes about a year on a coeliac-friendly diet for the effects to kick in, and then another five years for the cancer risks to be lowered.

I suppose I just need to suck it up and do it. If I can change my life now and, as a result, not die early, even if it means shunning the wonder that is wholemeal pasta, it'll be a good thing.

And sorry, just had to whinge about it. It's depressing me.

The Kansas City Shuffle

Saw The Wrong Man on Saturday night (the movie, not a poor choice of male companions). It was really, really, REALLY good, which was pleasantly surprising. I guess I'd been expecting it to be rather typical in a North By North-West rehashing way (I love North By North-West, I don't love how lots of movies around lately have just been rip-offs of old(er) movies).

But it wasn't.

To say more would spoil it, so go see it! What are you waiting for? GO NOW! Unless you're a bit put off by seemingly random senseless deaths, fake blood and so on. But even then, it's so worth it. Plus it has Bruce Willis and Josh Hartnett. This is good for reviving your eyes following any kinda gory scenes.

In other thoughts, there are a lot of mildly freaky people out in Melbourne of an evening. But I don't mean that in a bad way - they're really interesting (I like freaky people)! Hurrah for that. Although the guy in the silver "space suit" was a touch odd in little bit of a Dalek-y kind of way...

Or we could sit in the garden

Although I read this morning that you're more likely to be depressed if you don't plan your life (or something like that), planning for life has never been something that's... er... come up in plans I've made?

Of course there are minor plans, such as those for work or shopping or so on, but no major life plans. And this applies to packing. Or gardening. Although the vague ideas are there. It's just not like I'm sitting down thinking to myself, "Well, yes, in five year's time, I shall do this and scale Everest with nothing but a toothpick."

Instead of packing tonight, I've spent half an hour sitting out in the garden, admiring the twighlight and thinking more about what I want to do with my own backyard blitzing ideas (sans Jamie Durie in small shorts). Must call landscaping people, get quotes, gather thoughts, make garden fantastic, create an area to sit outside that doesn't involve sitting on the ground where a spider may crawl up your trousers.

And now I'm watching Black Books because Taylor SMS'd me about Ab Fab being on last night (sweetie, darling!), and that reminded me that The IT Crowd was on last week at the same time and the people who did that were involved with Black Books.

Life is so convoluted. Sod planning.

Just had to post this one again ;)

Random musings

This morning I read the featured Mystery Worshipper on the Ship of Fools site, who went to the New Life church in Colorado recently (which was the church Ted Haggard was pastoring 'til it turned out he was pretty pro-gay after all).

Somehow it brought back a number of conversations I had with various people over the weekend. Mostly, they ran along the lines of them bashing the hell out of Christianity and then saying, "But not you of course, you're one of the nice/normal Christians." Perhaps a compliment of a kind, but still...

It's like mentioning you're Christian makes you the whipping boy for the tirades people unleash about the bad experiences they've had with Christians. Or the experiences they haven't had but they're sure that they would have, had they ever met a Christian like the evangelical ones on TV in the wee hours of the morning, crammed between 1900-call-me-while-I-languish-on-a-car ads, and even though they've met loads of Christians who are great, they're sure there's someone out there who's going to pounce on them and try to ram a Bible down their throat because "all Christians are like that, aren't they, but not you, of course..."

It annoys me that people are happy to be equally as ignorant of Christianity, criticising and condemning it without bothering to find out more about it, as many Christians are happy to be ignorant and do the criticism/condemning thing about other matters. Unfortunatley, most of us like to cling to our pre-fab opinions and learning more about an issue that's outside of our opinions is too much effort... And that applies for those on all sides of an issue.

But there are some Christians out there who definitely don't do themselves any favours. And they don't do other Christians any favours, either, because we all end up getting tarred with the same brush (in much the same way as Muslims are often painted as all being fundamentalists, I guess). The actions of a few who go down the slightly nutty path always end up being the ones everyone else gets lumped with, though.

I know why I have issues with loads of things within "Christianity" and I'm not surprised that people on the "outside" of it would rather grate their elbows over rough concrete than go to church. You know, all the fundamentalist Christians, the evangelicals who ram their brand of Christianity down other's throats, the God Squad people, those using Christianity as their excuse to push ethnocentric or nationalistic views, to attack others instead of caring for them, to promote the invasion of Iraq or other wars (such as supporting Israel's invasion of Lebanon, because of some misguided pish-tosh), the kind of things that I'm expecting to see in Andrew Denton's documentary if I catch it on the weekend, Jesus Camp, my-way-or-you're-going-to-hell-
but-Jesus-loves-you-and-did-I-mention-you'll-be-burning?, Hillsong-style prosperity gospel, hurting others instead of helping them with what Jesus and God had to say...

Not that there aren't many, many sincere Christians who fit into those kind of things and who are absolutely lovely and committed to telling others about Jesus, but it's the overall picture that people outside of Christianity are seeing that's putting them off. And frankly, the picture is often scary to sad to jargonistic to very outdated to plain ol' deeply, deeply odd. All of the people who are there being the "nice/normal" ones every week sort of get ignored because it's much more fun to look at the other ones who are getting up there on the nutty-as-a-fruitcake scale.

And as one of the apparently "nice/normal" Christians, quite frankly, I have no idea what on earth can be done about any of it *sigh*

So traumatised now!

Things Della Does Not Need To Know:
> Officemate and colleague's jokes about plumber incidents, including all-too-memorable lines about nuts tightening.
> Anything about that conversation. Or plumbers. Or nuts. Or... no... let's not go there.

Things Della Does Need To Know:
> The meaning of the universe, life and existence.
> How to do plumbing work entirely by myself. And possibly all other home handyman kind of things. Are there courses in that kind of thing??

I also figured over the weekend that it's about time to find a good guard dog, because I think I have more chance of finding a Dobermann than a man at the moment *ponders* And it would be nice to have someone around the house who could rip the arms off of any unwanted visitors.

And now for something completely different...

I don't endorse it, I just promote it...

Although I wrote about how bad lying is recently, there really are some occasions where I think it's appropriate, such as if you were hiding Jewish people in your attic and the Nazis were at the door asking if you had any Jewish people hanging about, in which case the answer would be "Noooo... Haven't seen any 'round here lately. Lovely weather, incidentally."

Anyways.

Had the plumber in this morning because the washer in the spout thingy over the kitchen sink had gone to bollocks and I couldn't fix it (although I can fix the washers in the taps).

He brought a creepy, nosy friend with him.

VERY unimpressed, as creepy, nosy friend tried to look around the house (fortunately I'd put everything away) and then asked if I was married or whatever. I told him that I was engaged and my partner was up in Sydney at the moment with work. Thankfully I think he believed it. But grrrr!

Plus he decided to comment on my "plummy" accent and that I must have gone to private schools and so on, and seemed appropriately surprised when I told him I went to a public school.

*mutters in plummy accent* Peasants.

I spent the weekend...

In the State of my birth.
At a wedding.
Going shopping almost all the time.
Sharing a bed.
Getting badly sunburnt.
Wishing I lived back there, but not.
Catching up with friends.
Gossiping.
Meeting new people.
In restaurants.
On buses, trains and 'planes.

And finally... in a grumpy sleep-deprived mood because 3 hours of sleep on Friday night because you stay up curled up in bed talking ain't always a good thing, and then being out for hours on end all day and then not getting much sleep last night and travelling, travelling, travelling, even thought it's brilliant when it's happening...

:D

I decided to go on a google hunt to see what I could find about wedding wear this morning, and there were actually quite a few sites dedicated to it.

> Wear florals or "yummy" colours.
Great hint. "Yummy" colours? I don't have florals. I don't LIKE florals. Why is it that almost all of the sites talked florals? Is it because they want you to blend into the garden? Anyways, the whole concept makes me think of Nanna-wear sort of things. Or the 1980s atrocities with those dropped waists and so on.

> Not an appropriate time to dress like a tart.
Or a cake. Or a stack of dessert crepes. Or blueberry danish.

> Don't wear red or white to an ex-husband's wedding.
Or don't go at all. Stay home, put your feet up and enjoy the day. Not entirely sure why you'd go to an ex's wedding anyways?

> Think Grace Kelly.
Except that I'm not thin, blonde and married to Prince Rainer. Sod.

> It's now no longer taboo to wear black or white to weddings.
YAY!!!

> No hard hair or heavy makeup.
So no doing the Bronwyn Bishop helmet then.

Still no flamin' idea (Alf Stewart moment), but my mate Tony suggested a tracksuit, based on the location of the wedding. Cheeky minx that he is. And looking through the clothing options last night didn't help much at all. Oh well!

Bernard: Gerald's a food writer. He had a big hit with that thing, you know, "Basic Meals For The Ultra Rich". And Sarah's an interior designer. She's on the program, you know... "Pet Surprise".
Manny: "Pet Surprise"? What's that?
Bernard: Oh you know the thing, they take the dog out for a walk, it thinks it's a normal walk, but when they come back, the kennel has a patio and french doors.
Manny: Yeah, yeah, and they take the blindfold off...
Bernard: Yeah and he's like "Oh my god," you know. And there were a few other people there. You know, the sort of people who can talk about salad for five hours.

Black Books, The Blackout, series 1, episode 4.

I've got a wedding to go to on the weekend.

It's outdoors.

In a park.

And I have no idea what to wear.

Partly because most of the clothes I wear are black, and it's not really that nice to wear black to weddings (although I still like the idea of getting married wearing black, as my German ancestors did). The other cute stuff I have involves a lot of white. Also a no-no at weddings.

Anyhoodle.

I have no idea what to wear. And this is a problem, obviously. So I guess I'll consult my wardrobe tonight, because I don't have the time to go out and buy something (or the inclination really).

Oh wardrobe, speak to me...! *lol*